I had afternoon duty at the office and worked late trying to get marketing materials ready for Saturday's Open House. It is dark by the time Marston and I start placing the directional signs advertising the Open House. We get home and I still needed supplies, so I drop Marston back at the house. I am pulling into Walmart when my phone rings. It is Marston.
He asks, "What are you thinking about for dinner?"
Honestly I had forgotten all about dinner. "I don't know?"
"Pickup a rotisserie chicken when you are at Walmart."
"Okay!"
I get to Walmart and rush around getting what I needed. Unfortunately they don't have everything which means my next stop is Staples. It is already after eight o'clock - can I make it in time? I rush to the checkout. Luck is on my side there are still some chickens left. I grab the chicken and get in line. I am going to make it to Staples before they close.
So there I am standing in line with my office supplies and chicken when the guy in front of me turns around and starts sizing up the items in my cart. He is still dressed in his work uniform with Johnny on his shirt. Johnny appears to be in his late 50s with a big smile and hair as white as snow.
He offers,"Go ahead of me, I have more than you do."
"Thanks but no, I have to ring my stuff in as two separate orders so it will take longer." I am amazed. All I could think is, what a nice guy. Here I am in a hurry and a real gentleman is trying to help me out.
He insists, "No really, I don't mind. Please go ahead of me."
"Okay, I am not going to say no twice. Thank you that was so nice of you." His smile is ear-to-ear.
I reach down into the cart to get the chicken, when I realize Johnny wants me to jump more than the line.
"Something sure smells good, r-e-a-l good. I wouldn't mind sharing something that smells that good!"
I turn my head to see Johnny is mesmerized by my butt. He has no idea I am watching him, watching me.
"My husband wanted me to pickup a chicken for his supper." Johnny looks up and catches me looking at him. He just shrugs it off and informs me, "Walmart is a great place to pick stuff up." I grinned and tried not to laugh because he was right. I go there to pick stuff up all the time.
In the time it takes me to pay for the chicken Johnny has moved on and convinced another women to go ahead of him. As she pass me the chicken, the cashier informs me that Johnny has been in her line for almost an hour. Pay attention ladies: good looking men who are not interested in bar hounds could be on the prowl in a Walmart near you just waiting for you to jump them in line. Johnny was working the express line (20 items or less), which doesn't seem like an indication for long-term relationship.
Happy Shopping!
Showing posts with label Funny Stories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny Stories. Show all posts
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Jesus & Roadside Assistance
I have been receiving positive messages about the blog through e-mail, Facebook, Twitter and the comment section of the blog: thanks to all who have taken the time to write me. Recently I received a response to "Keep it Between the Ditches" that took me by surprise. I was going to ignore it but then I realized it was too good to pass up the opportunity to poke fun at it because that is what I do.
If you haven't read "Keep it Between the Ditches" stop and read it before you read the rest of the story.
In the previous entry I included a caption under a picture of Jimmy's tow truck that reads, "My savior's noble steed." I have received an e-mail informing me that if I am going to be saved I need to recognize Jesus as my personal savior. I am a Christian but I never realized Jesus drives a tow truck. I did a Google search and what do you know it is true - Jesus tows in Washington DC, Miami and Orlando. Who knew? I would like to say I will call on Jesus the next time I need roadside assistance but honestly I think I will wait until I need His assistance for a REAL CRISIS.
Thanks for the tip!
PS - Warning the theme music is not your traditional hymn (the song lyrics are EX-RATED!) Not for the faint of heart.
If you haven't read "Keep it Between the Ditches" stop and read it before you read the rest of the story.
In the previous entry I included a caption under a picture of Jimmy's tow truck that reads, "My savior's noble steed." I have received an e-mail informing me that if I am going to be saved I need to recognize Jesus as my personal savior. I am a Christian but I never realized Jesus drives a tow truck. I did a Google search and what do you know it is true - Jesus tows in Washington DC, Miami and Orlando. Who knew? I would like to say I will call on Jesus the next time I need roadside assistance but honestly I think I will wait until I need His assistance for a REAL CRISIS.
Thanks for the tip!
PS - Warning the theme music is not your traditional hymn (the song lyrics are EX-RATED!) Not for the faint of heart.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Keep it Between the Ditches
A couple of weeks ago, I had an unfortunate adventure while driving on an unfamiliar country road on what seems like the darkest night ever. I was looking for the road I was supposed to turn onto when I realized I was already past it. Okay- find a road to pull into and turn around. No problem!
So I am driving along looking for another road and spotted it just as I was about to pass it. I could have braked but that would have met inviting the guy behind me into my bed. Being that I just had my beloved Dodge painted I decided to pull over and back into the road. It was so dark I couldn't even tell there was a road there but I could see the street sign. Knowing that the road would be two to three feet away from the sign I aimed accordingly. My aim was true and I reached my destination - the ditch. That's right, I backed my truck into the ditch about four feet from the street sign. What I thought was a street was actually an old unused driveway. The actual street was located across the road from the sign. In my defense it was a really deep ditch and I stopped as-soon-as I realized I was backing into a lower spot than I had intended. There I am - the front of the truck on the edge of the pavement and the rear wheels catching nothing but loose grass. Having nothing to put under the wheels for traction and knowing digging holes would get me nowhere fast, I admitted defeat. I hit the four-ways and called for a tow.
Being prepared means having a plan and it is times like this that I love technology. I get out my phone, search my contact list for the number and voila - tow truck is on its way. Okay, it wasn't exactly that easy - it took me a few minutes to explain to Jimmy where I was. Meanwhile a cop and a local "Rescue Rodger" (who just happens to be one of the guys from the nail salon, where I get an occasional pedicure) pull-up. The "Rescue Rodger" gets to the door of the truck first.
"You okay Miss. Lawna?"
I could blame this butchering of my name on the fact that he is Asian but the truth is he speaks perfect English. He is very nice and is trying to assist me so I ignore the mispronunciation.
"I am fine."
"Good! You coming in for a pedicure this week?"
At this point the last thing on my mind is my next pedicure. Part of me wants to laugh but the other part of me realizes that marketing and promoting your business every chance you get is important.
"Probably not this week."
Our foot care conversation is cut short by the cop who is now out of his vehicle and needing attention. He approaches and when I say approaches I mean he has his upper body through the window into the cab of the truck. He gets close enough to make-out and I assume he is checking my breath for alcohol because at this point I was smelling his.
"What happened?"
I dole out the tale and he seems to believe me. He wants to call someone to pull me out and doesn't seem happy when I explain a tow truck is already on its way. He gets impatient waiting for Jimmy and repeatedly offers to call someone else. He claims to know someone who can get here fast. I explained it would be wrong to give the call to someone else after Jimmy was already on his way. I was informed it happens all the time. (Can you say kickback? HELLO!)
Jimmy pulls up. Tows me out. Just like that - 30 seconds and I am rolling. Eat your heart-out NASCAR.
When I ask about paying him he tells me not to worry about it. He is happy to help me out.
That's right - left his house at seven o'clock at night to tow me out of the ditch for nothing but a Thank You.
This past week the Dodge wasn't charging. I took her to Jimmy's for an alternator. (At 12 the old girl is starting to show her age.) Jimmy didn't mention the towing incident. I brought it up and thanked him again for everything he does. He totally down played it an told me I missed the driveway by inches and that anyone else would have thought it was a road next to a street sign. No dumb women driver jokes, just courteous and reassuring comments.
Marston says it gives him peace of mind knowing that Jimmy looks out for me and it means a lot knowing I am safe. Two years ago the Dodge was sick and could go no further. I pushed her out of the road and called Jimmy. He left his family and supper to come to my aid. We took her to his garage for repair. After several days he gave up and referred me to another garage. (He didn't charge me because he was unable to find out what was wrong.) The next garage claimed nothing was wrong with the Dodge and charged me a lot for their diagnosis. A couple of hours later I broke-down again. I called Jimmy and he came and was able to diagnosis what was not wrong while she was still not running. We took her to his garage for a second look. I don't know how long it took him to discover what was wrong but I know his time was worth more than what I paid him.
Big Thanks to my friend and soon-to-be new neighbour Jimmy McGowan. Please add him to your contact list for those unforeseen emergencies. He is located at:
McGowan's Service Station
1011 George Street
New Bern, NC 28560
(252)637-2410
Big Thanks to Paul my "Rescue Rodger" for responding to the call and waiting with me until I got pulled out. He was there with his emergency vest on and emergency lights flashing. Please support your local volunteer firemen by visiting their businesses. You can find Paul at:
Tips to Toes
2065 S Glenburnie Road
New Bern, NC
(252)635-6245
(In the Harris Teeter Parking Lot)
So I am driving along looking for another road and spotted it just as I was about to pass it. I could have braked but that would have met inviting the guy behind me into my bed. Being that I just had my beloved Dodge painted I decided to pull over and back into the road. It was so dark I couldn't even tell there was a road there but I could see the street sign. Knowing that the road would be two to three feet away from the sign I aimed accordingly. My aim was true and I reached my destination - the ditch. That's right, I backed my truck into the ditch about four feet from the street sign. What I thought was a street was actually an old unused driveway. The actual street was located across the road from the sign. In my defense it was a really deep ditch and I stopped as-soon-as I realized I was backing into a lower spot than I had intended. There I am - the front of the truck on the edge of the pavement and the rear wheels catching nothing but loose grass. Having nothing to put under the wheels for traction and knowing digging holes would get me nowhere fast, I admitted defeat. I hit the four-ways and called for a tow.
Being prepared means having a plan and it is times like this that I love technology. I get out my phone, search my contact list for the number and voila - tow truck is on its way. Okay, it wasn't exactly that easy - it took me a few minutes to explain to Jimmy where I was. Meanwhile a cop and a local "Rescue Rodger" (who just happens to be one of the guys from the nail salon, where I get an occasional pedicure) pull-up. The "Rescue Rodger" gets to the door of the truck first.
"You okay Miss. Lawna?"
I could blame this butchering of my name on the fact that he is Asian but the truth is he speaks perfect English. He is very nice and is trying to assist me so I ignore the mispronunciation.
"I am fine."
"Good! You coming in for a pedicure this week?"
At this point the last thing on my mind is my next pedicure. Part of me wants to laugh but the other part of me realizes that marketing and promoting your business every chance you get is important.
"Probably not this week."
Our foot care conversation is cut short by the cop who is now out of his vehicle and needing attention. He approaches and when I say approaches I mean he has his upper body through the window into the cab of the truck. He gets close enough to make-out and I assume he is checking my breath for alcohol because at this point I was smelling his.
"What happened?"
I dole out the tale and he seems to believe me. He wants to call someone to pull me out and doesn't seem happy when I explain a tow truck is already on its way. He gets impatient waiting for Jimmy and repeatedly offers to call someone else. He claims to know someone who can get here fast. I explained it would be wrong to give the call to someone else after Jimmy was already on his way. I was informed it happens all the time. (Can you say kickback? HELLO!)
Jimmy pulls up. Tows me out. Just like that - 30 seconds and I am rolling. Eat your heart-out NASCAR.
When I ask about paying him he tells me not to worry about it. He is happy to help me out.
That's right - left his house at seven o'clock at night to tow me out of the ditch for nothing but a Thank You.
This past week the Dodge wasn't charging. I took her to Jimmy's for an alternator. (At 12 the old girl is starting to show her age.) Jimmy didn't mention the towing incident. I brought it up and thanked him again for everything he does. He totally down played it an told me I missed the driveway by inches and that anyone else would have thought it was a road next to a street sign. No dumb women driver jokes, just courteous and reassuring comments.
Marston says it gives him peace of mind knowing that Jimmy looks out for me and it means a lot knowing I am safe. Two years ago the Dodge was sick and could go no further. I pushed her out of the road and called Jimmy. He left his family and supper to come to my aid. We took her to his garage for repair. After several days he gave up and referred me to another garage. (He didn't charge me because he was unable to find out what was wrong.) The next garage claimed nothing was wrong with the Dodge and charged me a lot for their diagnosis. A couple of hours later I broke-down again. I called Jimmy and he came and was able to diagnosis what was not wrong while she was still not running. We took her to his garage for a second look. I don't know how long it took him to discover what was wrong but I know his time was worth more than what I paid him.
Big Thanks to my friend and soon-to-be new neighbour Jimmy McGowan. Please add him to your contact list for those unforeseen emergencies. He is located at:
 |
| My savior's noble steed. |
1011 George Street
New Bern, NC 28560
(252)637-2410
Big Thanks to Paul my "Rescue Rodger" for responding to the call and waiting with me until I got pulled out. He was there with his emergency vest on and emergency lights flashing. Please support your local volunteer firemen by visiting their businesses. You can find Paul at:
Tips to Toes
2065 S Glenburnie Road
New Bern, NC
(252)635-6245
(In the Harris Teeter Parking Lot)
Monday, January 16, 2012
It is not what I said but how I said it!
We spent the summer dry-walling our home only to have to tear most of it out and start over. For the second attempt I hired a company from Greenville, based on a recommended from Ken Fairchild. (A friend of mine who just happens to be a really great builder.) After a walk through to survey the job, Carlos and I agreed to a price. The start date was yet to be determined because we were still completing repairs from Irene's visit.
After all the repairs were made, it was time for Carols and his crew to come in and work some magic. At the end of week one, the house is looking great: real progress has been made. It is Friday and time to give Carlos the first payment installment. He requests that the cheque be made payable to his wife. (Of course I agree and in the memo line I record who the payment is to and what for.) So there I am writing the cheque - Me, Carlos and my carpenter. Everyone is staring at the chequebook, you could hear a pin drop. I felt I needed to make conversation - it was just too quiet.
I ask, "Do you always give you wife all your money?"
Carlos replies, "Yes!"
I am laughing as I ask, "But she gives you some?"
He responds, "Yes, I have two sons and my wife, she is pregnant again."
We were instantly back to the awkward silence. I have worked with my carpenter for over three years and we have never discussed anything this personal. We exchanged a look and then busted out laughing at the situation. Carlos did not seem to find it all that funny. There he was proud of his family accomplishments and we couldn't stop laughing.
I felt obligated to explain that I meant, "Does she give you some of the money?"
To which he replied, "Yes, she gives me some of that also!"
Moral of the Story
Be careful when making inquiries about "some" because sometimes "some" is more than you were asking for.
After all the repairs were made, it was time for Carols and his crew to come in and work some magic. At the end of week one, the house is looking great: real progress has been made. It is Friday and time to give Carlos the first payment installment. He requests that the cheque be made payable to his wife. (Of course I agree and in the memo line I record who the payment is to and what for.) So there I am writing the cheque - Me, Carlos and my carpenter. Everyone is staring at the chequebook, you could hear a pin drop. I felt I needed to make conversation - it was just too quiet.
I ask, "Do you always give you wife all your money?"
Carlos replies, "Yes!"
I am laughing as I ask, "But she gives you some?"
He responds, "Yes, I have two sons and my wife, she is pregnant again."
We were instantly back to the awkward silence. I have worked with my carpenter for over three years and we have never discussed anything this personal. We exchanged a look and then busted out laughing at the situation. Carlos did not seem to find it all that funny. There he was proud of his family accomplishments and we couldn't stop laughing.
I felt obligated to explain that I meant, "Does she give you some of the money?"
To which he replied, "Yes, she gives me some of that also!"
Moral of the Story
Be careful when making inquiries about "some" because sometimes "some" is more than you were asking for.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Potty Training
There are different reasons to want to conserve water. Admittedly ours was because of the price. Our water bill is not very expensive but our sewer is billed at three times the actual gallons of water used. This gets expensive. It makes you think twice about watering the lawn and garden. The plan for the new house includes ways to make it more efficient.
The River House has five bathrooms, which doesn't sound efficient for two people. Being someone who likes to reuse things I debated on keeping a couple of the existing toilets but the water consumption for 1960s model is much higher than modern toilets. One toilet was missing from the house prior to purchase so I knew I would have to buy at least one. Then there were the pink and brown toilets that worked but were PINK and BROWN. After having saved all the toilets on our lawn for about six months, a decision was finally made to replace all of them. Two have been purchased. Today I began the search for the remaining three. The most interesting find of the day is a toilet and hand sink all-in-one combination. Trust me this is better than it sounds.
Many people go to their local box discount centre and select something pretty, which is ironic considering what it is used for. Some shoppers are worried about water usage. But the number one thing most people are concerned about seems to be the height of the toilet. If I was a tall person I think I would want a tall toilet. Being 5'2" I personally don't like the ones I have to "climb" to get on. I assumed other under-tall people would feel the same way but this does not appear to be the case.
I recently visited a local bathroom showroom to checkout the toilets. I was immediately greeted by the salesperson (lets call her Sally). Sally asked me how she could help me today. I replied that I was interested in finding toilets for my house. Everything was going great until I said the word toilet. Her smile changed. She looked at me like she was in the process of smelling a dirty toilet. After she recovered from my blasphemy, the smile returned as she informed me, "I would be happy to show you the commodes." I knew I was probably in the wrong store but decided to continue the search. Tensions subsided and Sally seemed to have forgiven my lack of social graces. She showed me all of the floor models and told me their special features. (Yes they have special features but that is another story.) I was invited to sit on some of their most popular (expensive) models. There I am feeling completely ridiculous taking the showroom commode for a test drive (albeit a dry run) when I am asked, "How does it feel?" I really had to pause and take a moment to respond. I know the salesperson was being very nice and trying hard to sell the product but really - how does it feel? My lack of response encouraged additional questions. "How does it fit? Don't you just love the comfort height?" Not knowing have to tactfully answer questions about how a toilet makes me feel or fits me, I went with the height. I looked down at my dangling feet that couldn't touch the floor as I responded that it was too high! I figured she would instantly understand because she was about 5' tall. Sally was not deterred. She was helpful. She explained I was just not used to the comfort height and needed to practice. She assured me that once I got used to the comfort height I would realize how hard the standard height is to sit-on . Try to keep a straight face; take all this seriously; and don't be insulted because she was very nice about the whole thing. I left without buying a toilet. I mean honestly, how could I buy a toilet from a woman who just told me I need to practice using the toilet and then confessed she has trouble sitting on it herself?
1) Meet the Royal Granada 1018 Contemporary Toilet.
This was our first toilet purchase and will be in one of the half-baths. At the time of purchase it was most competitively priced by Overstock.com, who also offers Club O Members free oversize freight shipping and reward dollars toward future purchases. Being that we have not installed this toilet yet, I am unable to tell you how it makes me feel at this time. Please stayed tuned for future updates.
For additional information about this product please visit the following web address. http://www.overstock.com/Home-Garden/Royal-Granada-1018-Contemporary-Toilet/2923549/product.html
2) Introducing the Porcher 97010-11 Solutions 1.6 to 0.8 Wall Mounted Dual Flush Toilet.
This fine specimen was purchased for the basement half-bath. I made the decision to purchase this model based on the reviews and the instillation video on YouTube. I was impressed. I would tell you how I really feel but I am sure my true feelings will be better expressed after I get to use it. I purchased it online from Build.com who at the time offered the most competitive price and free shipping.
For additional information about this product please visit the following web address.
http://www.build.com/porcher-97010-11-solutions-1-6-to-8-gpf-wall-mounted-dual-flush-toilet/p1379427
I can hardly wait to buy the next three toilets. Today I identified several possibilities but none of them has made me feel the urge . . . to buy. I still have reviews to read, prices to compare and special features to learn about. In the end the search will have yielded five stylish, low-water usage toilets of various heights (because you never know when a tall person is coming to visit).
Ciao!
The River House has five bathrooms, which doesn't sound efficient for two people. Being someone who likes to reuse things I debated on keeping a couple of the existing toilets but the water consumption for 1960s model is much higher than modern toilets. One toilet was missing from the house prior to purchase so I knew I would have to buy at least one. Then there were the pink and brown toilets that worked but were PINK and BROWN. After having saved all the toilets on our lawn for about six months, a decision was finally made to replace all of them. Two have been purchased. Today I began the search for the remaining three. The most interesting find of the day is a toilet and hand sink all-in-one combination. Trust me this is better than it sounds.
Many people go to their local box discount centre and select something pretty, which is ironic considering what it is used for. Some shoppers are worried about water usage. But the number one thing most people are concerned about seems to be the height of the toilet. If I was a tall person I think I would want a tall toilet. Being 5'2" I personally don't like the ones I have to "climb" to get on. I assumed other under-tall people would feel the same way but this does not appear to be the case.
I recently visited a local bathroom showroom to checkout the toilets. I was immediately greeted by the salesperson (lets call her Sally). Sally asked me how she could help me today. I replied that I was interested in finding toilets for my house. Everything was going great until I said the word toilet. Her smile changed. She looked at me like she was in the process of smelling a dirty toilet. After she recovered from my blasphemy, the smile returned as she informed me, "I would be happy to show you the commodes." I knew I was probably in the wrong store but decided to continue the search. Tensions subsided and Sally seemed to have forgiven my lack of social graces. She showed me all of the floor models and told me their special features. (Yes they have special features but that is another story.) I was invited to sit on some of their most popular (expensive) models. There I am feeling completely ridiculous taking the showroom commode for a test drive (albeit a dry run) when I am asked, "How does it feel?" I really had to pause and take a moment to respond. I know the salesperson was being very nice and trying hard to sell the product but really - how does it feel? My lack of response encouraged additional questions. "How does it fit? Don't you just love the comfort height?" Not knowing have to tactfully answer questions about how a toilet makes me feel or fits me, I went with the height. I looked down at my dangling feet that couldn't touch the floor as I responded that it was too high! I figured she would instantly understand because she was about 5' tall. Sally was not deterred. She was helpful. She explained I was just not used to the comfort height and needed to practice. She assured me that once I got used to the comfort height I would realize how hard the standard height is to sit-on . Try to keep a straight face; take all this seriously; and don't be insulted because she was very nice about the whole thing. I left without buying a toilet. I mean honestly, how could I buy a toilet from a woman who just told me I need to practice using the toilet and then confessed she has trouble sitting on it herself?
1) Meet the Royal Granada 1018 Contemporary Toilet.
This was our first toilet purchase and will be in one of the half-baths. At the time of purchase it was most competitively priced by Overstock.com, who also offers Club O Members free oversize freight shipping and reward dollars toward future purchases. Being that we have not installed this toilet yet, I am unable to tell you how it makes me feel at this time. Please stayed tuned for future updates.
For additional information about this product please visit the following web address. http://www.overstock.com/Home-Garden/Royal-Granada-1018-Contemporary-Toilet/2923549/product.html
2) Introducing the Porcher 97010-11 Solutions 1.6 to 0.8 Wall Mounted Dual Flush Toilet.
This fine specimen was purchased for the basement half-bath. I made the decision to purchase this model based on the reviews and the instillation video on YouTube. I was impressed. I would tell you how I really feel but I am sure my true feelings will be better expressed after I get to use it. I purchased it online from Build.com who at the time offered the most competitive price and free shipping.
 |
| Porcher as seen on the Build.com website. |
For additional information about this product please visit the following web address.
http://www.build.com/porcher-97010-11-solutions-1-6-to-8-gpf-wall-mounted-dual-flush-toilet/p1379427
I can hardly wait to buy the next three toilets. Today I identified several possibilities but none of them has made me feel the urge . . . to buy. I still have reviews to read, prices to compare and special features to learn about. In the end the search will have yielded five stylish, low-water usage toilets of various heights (because you never know when a tall person is coming to visit).
 |
| All-in-one sink & toilet. http://dornob.com/space-saving-sink-and-toilet-combined-design/ |
Ciao!
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